23.12.10
The Myths of Object-Orientation
The Myths of Object-Orientation. An after-dinner speech at ECOOP 2008, reprinted in ECOOP 2009. Spotted on Lambda the Ultimate. From the appendix:
The Sing-Song of Old Man Java
With apologies to Rudyard Kipling.
Not always was Java as now we do behold him, but a Different Language with very short types. He was small and he ran slowly, and his hype was inordinate: he danced on a TV set in the middle of California, and he went to Big God Gosling.
He went to Gosling at six before breakfast, saying, ‘Make me different from all other languages by five this afternoon.’
Up jumped Gosling from his fortress on the multicore and shouted, ‘Go away!’
He was small and he ran slowly, and his hype was inordinate: he danced on a set-top-box in the middle of California, and he went to Middle God Steele. He went to Steele at eight after breakfast, saying, ‘Make me different from all other languages; make me, also, wonderfully popular by five this afternoon.’
Up jumped Steele from his virtual reality and shouted, ‘Go away!’
He was small and he ran slowly, and his hype was inordinate: he danced on desktop in the middle of California, and he went to the Little God Gilad. He went to Gilad at ten before dinner-time, saying, ‘Make me different from all other languages; make me popular and able to run anywhere by five this afternoon.’
Up jumped Gilad from his office in Palo Alto and shouted, ‘Yes, I will!’
